In Your Heart of Hearts

The last two weeks we’ve thought about various levels of identity. This week is a sort of an application of what we’ve talked about.

We’ve all heard throughout our lives phrases like “Home is where the heart is” and “You are what you eat”. Both of these sayings allude to the idea that regardless of actual location in space and time, much of who we are resides in our heart. What we think about, what are goals are, who we care about and who we don’t, these are all things that are within our heart. These can be fairly obviously manifested in our actions.

But then there is our heart of hearts. This goes even deeper. This is where our motives lie. Our unrealized desires, the image of what we ultimately want to become, even if we are physically, mentally, or emotionally unable to attain it. This is often the most secret part of our identity. And it turns out, when it comes to the Savior, it is there in our Heart of Hearts that most defines our relationship to Him.

To illustrate this point, I want to briefly explain chapters 3 and 4 in the Gospel of John. These chapters talk about Jesus’ interaction with Nicodemus and the Woman at the Well.

First off, who is Nicodemus? Nicodemus is a Pharisee, and a ruler of the Jews. Pharisees were known for being extremely literal and strict in living the Law of Moses. They spent their days among the people, trying to enforce the rules and giving harsh punishments to those who broke any of the rules. He was a man, he was probably wealthy, and was seen as a leader. He would have been very prominent in the city.

In John chapter 3, Nicodemus comes to visit Jesus in the dead of night. He tells Jesus that he knows Jesus is sent from God, because no one else could possibly perform the miracles Jesus performed unless they were from God. Jesus (I imagine him smiling knowingly) told him that it was true, and that “except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus is very confused at that point, and asked Jesus how on earth could he possibly re-enter his mother as a grown man?! Jesus then explains the symbolism of baptism as a rebirth, and how we can feel the influence of the Spirit. Even though we can’t see the Spirit, its actions are as detectable as when the wind blows.

Let’s look at chapter 4 and then compare. Chapter 4 is about the Woman at the Well.

So who is she? The Woman is a Samaritan. Jews (considered at this time to be “God’s People”) hated the Samaritans and treated them unkindly. Likewise the Samaritans didn’t like the Jews, due to the treatment they received from them. She was, obviously, a woman. Women didn’t hold much power or authority in those days. Moreover, this Woman was a sinner. She had had five husbands and was living with a sixth man that she was not married to. The Woman came to the well at midday, plausibly the best time of day to go and be there alone. She was undoubtedly an outcast, even amongst her outcast people.

Jesus came to the well and found the Woman there. He approached her and talked to her. At first she was on guard. Jesus was a Jewish man, and she was a Samaritan woman. I’m sure she expected to be mistreated. Jesus beings to tell her about the living water that he could give her, in place of her water from the well. He was really telling her that he could offer her eternal life if she would follow his teachings. Little by little, her heart was opened and she began to understand that this was no ordinary man. He told her that he knew of her past and current sins of adultery, but he did not condemn her for it. After their discussion, the Woman told Jesus that she had heard of the coming of a Messiah and asked him if he were this Messiah. Jesus confirmed it and the Woman immediately went to look for as many people to listen to him as possible.

What is the difference in the relationship between Jesus and Nicodemus and between Jesus and the Woman at the Well?

Nicodemus came to Jesus secretly in the night. He knew of the miracles and that’s why he sought Jesus, but did not confess that Jesus was the Messiah and he was very slow to understand the message. Jesus treated him kindly, but they could not have a real friendship.

Jesus went to the Woman at the Well in broad daylight. She didn’t know who he was, nor about his teachings, followers and popularity, or miracles. She was a sinner. But she quickly knew who he was and did everything she could to follow him and to help others reach him. Jesus could truly have a friend in this Woman, and she in him.

The difference was their heart of hearts. The Woman most desperately wanted to be good and to love God. Perhaps it was not evident in her actions up until that point. She knew what she was doing when she committed adultery. This was all part of her mortal and weak state. She knew Jesus as the Messiah, and in her heart of hearts she was his friend, even if her mortality stopped her from fully manifesting it up to that point.

Nicodemus’ heart of hearts was different. I think it was still good, because he did come looking for Jesus and acknowledged in some part his goodness. Yet he was ashamed to be seen interacting with him, and his ways were so set that it made it difficult for him to understand the teachings of the Master. You would think that it would be easier to change him than to change a Woman who had slept with 6 different men. In this story we can see the importance of our heart of hearts.

And so, my message is that we should not be overly sad and disappointed in our failings.

David O McKay once said:

 “The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.”

I know it to be true from personal experience that when we have won the battle in our heart of hearts, our battle is already won. The rest is simply of matter of time and patience. The question then is, what is in your heart of hearts?

The Function of Dreams in Reality

Last week we talked about the illusive substance of our identity. In today’s blog I want to continue with that idea in a slightly different perspective. In a general recap, we are the realizers of our own destiny. I won’t say that we are the creators of our destiny, because we have not created ourselves nor the limit of potential we each posses. Within that defined gamut, however, we decide to what extent that potential will be realized, thus, we are the realizers of own destiny. Many factors play into what we “realize”, however, I have seen in my life that it is my own limit of what I dream that seems to be the most decisive factor.

I have had a lot of dreams in my day. As a child, I dreamed of everything. I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a mom, and president of the United States. And I believed I could achieve any one or all of those things if I really wanted to. I could change a few blankets and pillows into a fortress complete with an alligator filled moat. I raised imaginary horses that followed me everywhere. There was no limit to my ability to create and to have real belief in the reality and credibility of my creations.

Then somewhere along the way I learned that just because I dreamed something didn’t mean it was likely to happen. And then a little farther along the way came the idea that the more I dreamed about something, the less likely it was to ever be achieved. I don’t think this is very uncommon. I learned a lot more about my strengths and weaknesses. I learned that it is in fact impossible to be a lawyer AND a doctor AND president of the United States AND a homemaker.

Interestingly enough, I’ve found that because I know that I cannot do everything that I have ever dreamed of doing in mortality, it has made me more and more eager to find what is my “calling” in life. Is there really something that only I was meant to do? If so, I’d rather do that one thing forever than anything else. But how can I find it? In the mean time, I’m trying to fill my time with the most useful activity I can, hoping it prepares me for whatever “thing” awaits me.   

The other day in my class we studied the apostle Peter. Actually, we studied just before he became an apostle. We focused on the account found in Luke chapter 5. Basically, Peter is a professional fisherman. He has a part in his father’s business, along with his brothers. He’s probably always known he was going to be a fisherman and trained with his father as a young boy in order to become a great fisherman, capable of taking over the family business. One morning, Peter comes in after a long night on the lake, having caught nothing. That must have felt really terrible. Imagine coming home from a bad day at work where you seemed to consistently fall short of what you knew you could achieve. As he pondered sleepily about what could have and should have gone better, he cleaned his nets before returning home. As he was cleaning, a stranger named Jesus comes up to him followed by a large group of people. Jesus requests that Peter bring him in Peter’s boat a little off shore so that Jesus can better teach the people. Seemingly without thinking, Peter obliges.

After the sermon, I’m sure Peter was touched by the words of Jesus. Surprisingly, Jesus tells Peter that it’s time to go fishing! Some preacher man is coming after a long, unsuccessful night, and telling Peter, the professional, how to do his job!

Peter protests a little, explaining how hard the previous night was and implying that there was no way that it could possibly better in the middle of the day, but then yields to what Jesus asked. They go out deep into the lake, let down the nets when Jesus says, and then pull in a catch so big that it breaks their nets and starts to sink the two boats that went out to pull in the fish.

This catch could have made Peter famous. It undoubtedly was worth several months of work. And yet, immediately following, Jesus looks at Peter and says “Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men.”

And Peter immediately left with Jesus.

The take away from I get is this. Our dreams are really goals. Goals are the future that we are committed to and think are possible. That means goals say a lot about our character and what is really important to us. Sometimes we have these goals that define us. As long as we are pursuing them we have some sort of identity, direction at least. What did it mean to Peter, then, when Jesus took away all those goals and threw them away? No more fishing, right? All those years gone.  

I guess the question is, what was riskier for Peter? Dropping his goals and letting Jesus make out of Him what He saw and was going to personally oversee, or in continuing fishing? And in the end, that question is the same for us. Continue in our dreams, or the dreams that Jesus has for us? Our goals, or His goals of what we can achieve?

ID

This past week I had an experience that reminded me how important it is to think about and be sure of your identity. In my class, we talked about what kind of information someone can know about you if they had your driver’s license. Your full name, your birthday, what state you are from or currently living in, your address, height, weight, eye color, if you are a donor or not… the list goes on! What really is behind our identity?

It’s interesting to listen to people describe themselves, the attributes and interests that they feel define them, and also the things they feel cannot define them. We all, consciously or not, are continuously molding ourselves to fit an identity that we create. At the same time, others create images of who and what they think we are. And so comes the question: who are we? What determines who we are? Is it based on popular vote? Do certain people have more say than others? What is the reality of our identity?

These are the kinds of questions that many of us have taken time to ponder. They are super relevant. And yet, they can seem impossible to answer. So, how do we know?

I have asked myself these kinds of questions. Not just asked, I’ve stewed over these thoughts and questions. And while I don’t know the complete answer, as I’ve studied the scriptures (the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and other sacred writings) I have come to know more the identity of God our Father, and also His son Jesus Christ. And as I have learned more about them, and focused on what I do know for sure about them, I have become more committed to become as like them as I possibly can. And as I have pursued that, my own undefined status has become more and more absolute. Not because I have created it, but because I am modeling something else defined.

Here’s a recent way that I was able to become more defined. In my class, we started off by talking about a less known book of scripture, the Book of Moses, found in the Pearl of Great Price. In the first chapter, Moses is having a vision in which he talks to God face to face. God starts off by telling Moses who He is, which is All Powerful, Endless, and Almighty. To help Moses understand what “all powerful” and “endless” means, God shows Moses all of His creations. Imagine that! All the planets, creations, people, plants and animals that have ever existed! Imagine being in His presence! I feel like if I were Moses I would have crumbled to the floor, and perhaps would have thought that in all of my life and experience, I would never amount to anything. That is not what God thinks though.

Directly after this powerful display, God calls Moses His son. That’s not just a figure of speech. It’s a real thing. And it doesn’t just apply to Moses, each of us are literally sons and daughters of the most powerful being in existence. What does that really mean? It means that each of us have seeds of “all powerful” and “endless” within us. Each of us can choose to develop those seeds, or leave them aside, but the point is that regardless of what we choose to do with them, they are there.

Suddenly my feelings of being undefined and ever changing, impossible to know and understand, begin to calm as I start to see a picture of what I might become.

What’s interesting is sometimes we fight the idea that we could really ever “mature” to become like God, if we are in fact His offspring. We say this because we think that God is unknowable, too powerful to be contained, with a knowledge and wisdom that would require an eternity to comprehend. And yet, how much more do we understand about ourselves than God? Isn’t that the topic that we started on? That we as beings are too complex to really fully know, even when that being is ourselves? Perhaps our difficulty in comprehending our identity could be considered more as proof that we are offspring of God than evidence against it.