A Labor of Love

This week we studied the last hours of Christ's life, finished on the cross on Calvary. In a lot of ways, it was a difficult week. We talked about the kind of torture and cruelty, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually that He endured on our behalf. I love my Savior so much, and although I am grateful for the opportunity I had to learn more about His suffering for me, I really cannot dwell on His pain very long because it breaks my heart.

To finish this series of posts, I want to dwell instead on who Jesus Christ really is. I've spent a semester reading and learning about His earthly ministry. It is no surprise that at the top of the list of His characteristics are love and service. I want to talk about just one example from the night before He died for all of us.

He was celebrating the Passover with the Twelve Apostles. Before beginning the supper, He knelt on the ground before each of them and washed their feet. Just before this the apostles had been bickering about who was the greatest and had the highest rank among them. Christ, knowing that His hour was close, took this time to try and underline as best as He could this lesson:

"Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him. If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them. A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:12-17, 34-35) 

Most teachers try to make their most important points to you the last day of class before a test, or at the end of the semester. Effectively, this supper was the disciples' "last day of class" with their Teacher. Although Jesus Christ knew at least in part the suffering that awaited Him just hours from that moment, He was concerned at that time for the well being of those He loved. 

I know from my mortal experience, not yet having had children of my own, that when I leave my family for long periods of time, I don't focus so much on the unknown trials ahead of me. Instead, all I can think about is how much I am going to miss my family, and how much I hope and pray that they will be taken care of. Those feelings always intensify as the time of departure grows closer. If that is how I react as a young mortal with a limited capacity to love, I can only imagine how much Jesus Christ was swallowed up in His love and desire to protect His dear disciples. Sadly, at this moment, He seemed most concerned with protecting them from each other.

I am sure that it is our Heavenly Father's desire, as shown by His Son Jesus Christ, that we focus our efforts in caring for one another, especially within our own families. They cannot physically be here with us, to mediate and to love, to protect and to understand. The best that They can do to help us is to show perfect love and service by example. It has to be our choice. 

I love both of Them so much. I am far from perfect, however this semester has given me added hope of my potential. I have seen a little bit of how much Jesus is willing to invest in seemingly hopeless cases. If He is that willing to work with those who are willing to work, then there is indeed hope for all of us to live with Him in heaven someday.

Jesus of Galilee

This week in my class we talked about the time that Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane before he was capture and tried, and then crucified. This is one of my favorite parts of the New Testament for many reasons, but there is one that I want to focus on now.

There is a very well known section in Mark that says “And he taketh with him Peter and James and John, and began to be sore amazed, and to be very heavy; And saith unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death: tarry ye here, and watch… And he said, Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me: nevertheless not what I will, but what thous wilt." (Mark 14:33-34, 36)

The reason that this section hit me so hard was because even though Jesus knew that he would have to suffer incredible pain and guilt and sorrow in order to atone for our sins and mistakes, he couldn’t fully understand what that would feel like until it was happening to him. In these moments before stepping into the garden to pray to our Heavenly Father on our behalf and to suffer for all the unfair and wrong things of the world, he started to be afraid. He realized that this was going to be an incredibly difficult and painful task, and he started to look for other options.

In my own small and mortal way, there have definitely been days that I have felt so burdened down by the consequences of my own mistakes and sins, and sometimes by my inability to understand the mistakes and sins of others around me, that I felt as if that sorrow and pain would crush me, and that I wouldn’t be able to survive through it. I’m sure we have all felt this way to some degree. Our Savior felt this way as he entered into the garden, but on a much larger scale. If I imagine my most painful and sorrowful moments of my life, I feel like I can almost understand what it would mean to be “exceedingly sorrowful unto death”, although I know that even my most unbearable moments cannot compare to the night that the Savior suffered for not only my unbearable moments, but of all the unbearable moments of all the people who have ever lived upon the Earth.

As comforting to know it is that Jesus Christ has felt this human suffering, and to know that he knows how I feel, it is even more comforting to know that he chose to go through with that suffering even though he didn’t want to do it at that moment. The only reason that he could go through that experience for all of us is because he loved (and still loves) each one of us completely. If he had backed out in that moment, he may have been able to return to our Heavenly Father anyways. He had never committed any sin, and therefore didn’t need a Savior. He was the only one qualified to enter on his own. And yet the rest of the human race depended on those few hours of intense suffering if we were ever to return home.

This is one reason why I love my Savior so much. He never asked why it had to be him that saved everyone else. He never complained that the whole plan was unfair because it depended completely on him dying for all of us. He never belittled others for not carrying a load like his. He simply spent his whole, overqualified life wandering in the countryside, healing people both spiritually and physically. His life was ended prematurely by murders, a death he could have easily prevented just by commanding it to be so. But he didn’t, because he loved us, and he loved our God who had sent him to fulfill this role.

I hope at the end of my life I can stand before Him and show Him that I am completely clean because I used His sacrifice to the fullest in order to change myself from a sinful mortal into a celestial and holy being like Him.

Honestly Tough Questions

As you have learned if you have read any other posts in this blog, I have a lot of questions that roll around in my mind. Often times it is difficult for me to find real answers to some of my questions. One of my questions has been about the people who seem to have gotten the “necessary evil” roles. For example, what would this world be like without a Satan? Or a Judas to betray Jesus?

To me, these two roles seemed very necessary. How could Jesus be truly as good, or at least how would we know he was so good, unless he had an evil counterpart? And how could Jesus atone for us unless someone had betrayed him, like Judas? I’ve thought about their fate, and to me it just didn’t seem fair that these extremely evil roles were seemingly needed in order to bring about the rest of the good in God’s plan. Why, then, would the people that filled those roles be so severely punished?

I still don’t have a full answer to those questions, but my mind has been put more at ease by understanding the greater picture of God’s plan of happiness for us. Our Heavenly Father loves us, and so he has given each of us the gift of agency, or the ability to chose for ourselves how we will act. That means that none of us are damned nor saved without our consent. When you look at God’s plan from an eternal perspective, it seems as if evil is a force somewhat similar to gravity. It is eternal in its realm and has no beginning or end. Neither does good in its realm. We live in a world that has both good and evil in it. That means that both of those forces will work to achieve their ends. We know that good is a stronger force and will always win. This seems like a simple principle, but it helps when thinking about the roles of Satan and Judas. We would be tempted by evil without Satan, because evil would still exist. And the Pharisees and Sadducees would have found a way to capture Jesus and crucify him without Judas.

It is important to note that I am simply sharing my own thoughts and conclusions based on my current knowledge and these thoughts are in no way conclusive. My overall point is that we all have tough questions that seem to negate things we have already learned. In this case, I have always known that Heavenly Father is kind and loving and wants his children to succeed. However, I have seen some things that make me question how this can be so. Instead of throwing away everything that I have been taught and felt personally about God, I have learned to be patient, to study the scriptures, and to listen to the Spirit teach me how good and evil can exist at the same time. This is one example of a hard question with an answer that is beautifully simple and entirely supports everything I know to be true about my Heavenly Father. I have found peace and pure happiness in my life by exploring my questions and holding fast to the things I know to be true in my heart, and more than anything this peace and happiness is proof to me that God wants me to understand him and to not be afraid or easily shaken by things that I do not understand.

The Parable of the Talents

This week I learned to be grateful for the things that Heavenly Father does not give me. In class we studied the parable of the talents.

Generally, the story goes as follows. There were three servants to a rich man. He gave each of these men an asset to care for while he was away on other business. He gave one five of these assets, one two, and the final servant received one. While the master was gone, the first two servants used their assets to create more, always planning on returning both the principal and the interest to the master. The third was paralyzed by fear of his responsibility, and decided to only hide his asset.

When the master returned, the three servants gave a report of their stewardship over these assets. The first had doubled his assets, now having ten talents instead of five. The second servant did likewise, now having four instead of two. The master was pleased with the dedication and planning of the first two servants, and rewarded them both with more than they had been previously entrusted. The third servant, however, brought forth only the asset that he had originally been given. The master asked him why he hadn’t done anything with the talent that he had been given. The servant told his master that he knew his master to be a tough and ambitious man, and had thought it best to only give his master the original principle safe, rather than to risk anything else. He was punished by having his asset taken away from him and given to the first servant.

So, there are a lot of things we can learn from this story. One that I liked is that we are limiting our application of the story if we only think of the talents as literal talents and abilities. While this is a really good application, I have learned a lot more by replacing “talent” with the word “asset”. This can include our educational opportunities, employment, and even our children! What a broader application!

Finally, there was one lesson that really hit me while my professor was teaching. We create our own God, sometimes regardless of who He truly is, and then we create a world that fits that god. For example, if you asked the first two servants about the characteristics of the master, they would say that he was very fair and generous, and that he had given them great opportunities. The third would probably say that the master was tough and mean and took things that didn’t belong to him. Each was rewarded by the “master” they had created in their minds, and were rewarded by that master. 

So shall it be at the last day. If we believe that God is whimsical, unknowable, or punishing, we may find ourselves in a life that seems to have little direction, with no anchor and much sorrow. If we believe in a God that knows us, is guiding everything in our lives, and wants us to be successful, we will feel greater peace and order in our lives as we try and trace things back to Him. These reactions are completely separated from what actually happens to us or who God really is, just like even though the master in the story was a person with an actual character, the servants could have completely different perceptions of him. Our reactions to our lives have everything to do with choosing to accept Him or not, and whether to accept the talents (assets) He gives us. Or not.

Too Careful and Troubled?

Three of my favorite people in the New Testament are Mary, Martha and Jesus. Not in that order. Anyways, we meet them all together in Luke chapter 10. 

They seem to be good friends with Jesus. Martha invites him to her house, where Mary lives also. Jesus has been traveling a lot and must have been tired. Martha starts to make food for him and is busy in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Mary sits at Jesus’ feet and listens to Jesus talk. Martha gets annoyed that she has to do all the work instead of having Mary help her quickly so that they could both listen to Jesus. She asks the Master to have her sister Mary help her, and Jesus takes a moment to teach us all through these two wonderful women.

When the average Christian is asked who these two women are, the typical response is that Mary is the sister that knows what’s important and listens to Jesus, and that Martha, although she means well in trying to serve Jesus, is missing the point in life because she doesn’t stop to listen to him. Jesus himself seems to make this point when he says:

“Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42)

I have always assumed that Martha was missing the point by being so busy. What bothered me more is that I identify a lot more with Martha than Mary, and I know a lot of other people that do too. Does that mean that I and others like Martha are typically missing the point?? That doesn’t seem right… service is supposed to be a good thing right?

Luckily, another interpretation of this story was brought to my attention this week that put me more at ease. My professor said to think about these two women in opposite roles. What if Mary had been annoyed with Martha for clanking around in the kitchen, and asked Jesus to make her sit down or at least be quiet so they could focus on their conversation. Is it possible that Jesus would have simply said “Mary, Mary, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Martha hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her”?

This flip in the situation brought so much relief to me. First of all, it means that because I identify with Martha more, I am not inherently busy with the wrong things.

Second of all, the “problem” with Martha here is that she is trying to make her sister more like herself. Our goal should never be to have others conform to our strengths; it should always be to point them to Christ.

The third lesson, and my favorite, is that Jesus is always on the defensive. He never sides with those who point fingers. With the woman caught in adultery, the woman at the well, and with Mary, Jesus is quick to protect the one in the “line of fire”, regardless of actual fault. It is never our place to judge, only to be patient and to help people come closer to Christ through loving example, not accusation.

Balm of Gilead

There are a lot of words and ideas that are commonly used and communicated every day, and yet if you take a moment to stop and think about them you realize that almost everyone has a different meaning tied to that word. “Love” is one of those words. It’s used all the time, but if you ever ask someone what it means to them you’ll likely find it means something different to them than it means to you (I’ve personally conducted that experiment). One similar word is “forgiveness”. We talk about it all the time, daily we encounter situations where we extend, withhold, and seek forgiveness.

I’ve really struggled knowing what forgiveness is in my lifetime. Especially in church settings, it seems a bit over simplified. It sounds as if it is a simple decision, and once that decision has been made all the fall out will magically be resolved and hurt and disappointment will all disappear.

For example, this week in my New Testament class we studied a story in Matthew chapter 18 that has to do with forgiveness. To be very brief, there was a servant that borrowed roughly millions of dollars from his master, and was unable to repay the debt when it came due. The lord forgave him the debt, seemingly without a future date for repayment, or even a percentage of repayment. That same servant who had been forgiven of millions of dollars then went to a peer, a fellow servant, and threw him into prison for the few thousand dollar debt that the second servant owed the first. When the lord heard about it, he revoked his previous forgiveness and threw the first into prison until the debt was repaid.

In this story, the lord of the servants clearly represents our Savior. Each of us carries a massive debt that is impossible for us to repay any meaningful portion. When we repent and try to follow Jesus Christ, we are forgiven of that huge debt. He has paid all our debt to Heavenly Father, and therefore is free to forgive us according to the terms that He sets.

We all also carry debts to our fellow men that we have offended, and have “loaned out debts” to those who have offended us. These are typically possible to have repaid, although some are definitely much larger debts than others. Big or small, they still are not as large as the debt that we owe our Savior. As we see in the story, whatever forgiveness we give to our fellow men is the forgiveness we shall receive.

That is both comforting and scary. If you are good at forgiving everyone, you can feel pretty comfortable in knowing that you will be forgiven of your sins. However, I am not perfect at forgiving others, and I think most of us fall into that category. So if our forgiveness from our sins depends on the forgiveness that we give to others, how can we ever really be successful? How do we know if we’ve truly forgiven someone else?

I have thought and pondered on this question a lot. I try to say the words “I forgive you”, but sometimes I don’t fully mean it when I say it. I often carry hurt for a while after I have tried to verbally grant forgiveness, and sometimes I don’t really like being around those people anymore. Sometimes people really do break trust, and it would be stupid to place them in a place that would result in hurt again and again. Does that mean that I haven’t really forgiven them?

After a lot of prayer and discussions with trusted mentors, I have come to the conclusion that forgiveness happens when you no longer feel a need to “get even” with the person that has wronged you. When you no longer spend time dwelling on what they did and what you wish would happen, or looking forward to the day when their actions catch up to them as a personal vengeance, you can see them as a Child of God who is imperfect. You can open up to feel charity for them, and sorrow that someday they will have to pay for their actions and it will hurt them a lot. This kind of forgiveness is totally possible to achieve, and opens up the blessings of the mercy of our Savior to all people.

I would invite everyone to not take my word about what forgiveness means, but to study and pray about it, and then apply that answer to your life. I have found a much higher level of peace in my life in this application, and I know that peace will follow anyone who tries their best to forgive their fellowmen.

Fair Weather Fans

How do you know if someone is a committed fan? Is it if their Facebook cover photo is their favorite team? Is it how many times they post about the game or the stats? Is it the flag that hangs just under their country’s? Or is it the number of bumper stickers? Although I’m not exactly a professional sports fanatic myself, I’ve heard enough about “fair weathers” to know this behavior tends to infuriate what we may affectionately call the “die hards”.

So what makes a true die hard? These are the guys that never take down the flag, even if the team loses several years in a row. They still watch all of the games, they may have all the flags and the stickers, but to them, their team is much more than that. Basically, when the team is getting thrashed in the media, or maybe even worse, ignored by the media, these die hards stick by the name and wait patiently for better days. There is always the hope of next season.

So this is all a semi-cheesy lead into our relationship with Jesus Christ. Gotcha.

This past week we studied John 6. Picture this. As far as Christ’s popularity goes, this was his prime. All of his miracles had been well-broadcasted throughout the area. He had fed thousands of people twice with just a few loaves and fishes. People came from all over to listen to him, hoping to see his miracles for themselves.

Then we get to the sermon of the Bread of Life. Jesus speaks symbolically of the sacrament, and tells everyone that whoever will eat of his body and drink of his blood will have eternal life.

And guess what happened? Almost everyone left. That was it. It was really cool and interesting when bread was being “magically” mass produced, but as soon as Jesus announced that in order to be saved you would need to eat him… well, no one really paused to think about what that meant. Honestly, to those who were hearing about the symbolism of the sacrament for the first time, it would be surprising if they weren’t alarmed. But to simply get up and leave?

Imagine the thoughts and feelings that Jesus must have felt as he watched the better part of his followers leave without waiting for an explanation. Turning to the apostle Peter, he asked him if Peter too would leave.

Peter answered:  “Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God.”

So it all boils down to this. Are we fair weather Christians? Do we only show our love for Christ when it is easy, and he’s obviously winning? When it’s comfortable? Or do we follow Him to the end? When He asks us to do seemingly crazy things (like eat His body and drink His blood), do we tell Him that He’s crazy, or do we humbly accept His will, do our best to act upon it, and wait patiently for an explanation?

Lost Things

This week I thought about some of the parables that we talked about in my New Testament class. Jesus taught three parables that are good to compare. They are the Parables of the Lost Things.

The first parable is of the Lost Sheep and the remaining 99. A shepherd had 100 sheep. One day he found that one of them had wandered off. Because of his love for each of his sheep individually, he left the 99 together and went searching for the one that had gotten lost.

The second is the parable of the Lost Coin. A woman had ten gold coins that were very precious to her. She found that one was lost, so she cleaned the entire house from top to bottom, looking in every corner until she finally found it and was happy.

The final parable of the three is about the Son of Perdition. A man had two sons. The younger of the two decided that he wanted his living now, instead of waiting for tradition when a son got his inheritance after the death of his father. His father allowed him to do so, so the young son took his portion early and left into a faraway land. He wasted his money away quickly, basically partying for a little while until he was completely broke. Once he had no money left, he had no choice but to wander around looking for work. There was a famine and he was very hungry. He finally found a job feeding pigs, and wished that he could eat the scraps that he fed them. Eventually he realized that his father’s servants lived better than he did, so he decided to return home disgraced and beg to be his father’s servant. As he got close to his father’s house, his father saw him and ran out to get him, embracing him as they met. He was so happy that his son had decided to come home that he threw a big party to celebrate.

So here is the question. How did each thing get lost?

Sheep make decisions, but they aren’t really capable of making elaborate plans. They don’t consciously decide they don’t want to belong to the fold. They just do what sheep do: put their heads down and eat. Sometimes they get so busy doing what sheep do that when they eventually look up after focusing on only the few feet of grass in front of them that they find themselves all alone, far away from the herd.

What about coins? Coins don’t think at all. It wasn’t the coin’s fault it got lost. The woman accidentally misplaced it, didn’t watch out for it, perhaps even neglected it. Once lost, there wasn’t really anything the coin could do to be found. All it could do was wait in darkness and dust for the woman to realize it was gone and frantically look for it.

Finally, what about the son? Well, the son could definitely make plans. The son willfully rebelled against his father. He took a large portion of his father’s estate, what his father had spent a lifetime working for, and wasted it within days. He really was a rebel.

So what do we learn from these stories? Two things. Be careful how you judge lost things. Be careful how you find lost things.

Not all lost things are consciously lost. Sometimes they are just busy doing what busy people do, and eventually find that they have lost their way. They didn’t mean to do anything wrong. And sometimes lost things don’t have much say in the matter. They might have been forgotten without many options of being found, like children for example. If children aren’t watched over, when they become a lost teenager we need to be careful in giving up when they wander. Sometimes though, they really are a rebel, and we need to know the difference.

When you try to find lost things, make sure you find them the way that they can be found. Coins and sheep need to be looked for with diligence, sometimes sacrificing other things in order for them to be located. Rebels though are different. They often need space and to feel the weight of their own decisions. Looking for them just pushes them away. But when they do come home, they need all the love and celebration that was given for the found coin and rescued sheep.

Also remember, we are all capable of being coins, sheep, and rebels. Make sure you do everything you can to be an agent to yourself, try not to be a coin waiting at the mercy of others. Take control of the decisions that you can make. Be careful of not being a sheep! Don’t get so busy doing what busy people do that you will be in danger of looking up and finding yourself lost. And do your best to not be a rebel. Really try to understand what happy, successful and experienced people are trying to tell you, and wait patiently for everything to make sense.

No Punishment for Your Best

This week is a short and simple concept. Even so, it has changed my perspective on life and has often given me the courage to do really hard things. The concept is that you will never ever be punished for doing your best to do what’s right. Here’s this week’s story.

In Mark chapter 5 we read about two people with very tragic trials in their lives. The first is Jairus. He opens the story by running to find Jesus because his daughter is at the point of death. He is also a prominent leader, probably a Pharisee (imagine what it must have felt like to have all the power in the city, but knowing that you have no power to do anything to save your child’s life!).

Jairus comes to Jesus and begs that Jesus come with him to his house to save his 12 year old daughter. Jesus takes compassion on him and starts to follow him. They are slow moving, however, because there is a huge crowd that is pushing and pulling on Jesus.

Meanwhile, there is the woman known as “the woman with the issue of blood”. She had some sort of blood disease that left her very sick. For 12 years she had battled with this disease, paying for many doctors until all of her money was gone, but to no avail. In short, she heard that Jesus is coming down the street and rushed out with the faith that if she could just touch his clothes, she would be healed. She manages to fight through everyone, touch him, and is instantly healed of her disease. She tries to quietly slip away, miracle obtained, but Jesus feels the power that she accessed by her faith and stops to finish teaching her about love, forgiveness and healing.

Meanwhile, Jairus is a father with a daughter moments away from death. There is no written evidence that he intervened during this miracle that Jesus paused to perform for this woman, however I don’t think it’s very difficult to imagine what he must have been feeling. Here he came during his hour of need to bring the Savior to his daughter to save her. They weren’t making very good time to get to his house because of the huge crowd of people following Jesus, and here Jesus was stopping mid-convoy to heal a woman! If it were me, who hasn’t personally felt the love a parent has for a child, I would be more than a little impatient and anxious. Even if he didn’t say anything or act impatient, I’m sure that a lot of things were running through his head that were less than charitable. At least they would have been running through mine.

During this healing, a servant comes and tells Jairus that it is too late, his daughter is dead. I imagine again the horrible pain this must have brought Jairus, crushing down upon him. It was too late. Yet Jesus had time for someone else. This was more than a small trial of faith.

And yet, Jesus sensed what must have been obvious despair and told Jairus “Be not afraid, only believe” (Mark 5:36). They went on to Jairus’ house, in spite of the ridicule of non-believers, and Jesus raised Jairus’ daughter from the dead. Imagine the relief, joy, and strengthened faith that Jairus and his wife must have felt.

There are a lot of lessons that we can learn from this story. My focus today, however, is that Jairus did his best to be faithful under a lot of pressure. He probably lost his cool and doubted in the mercy of Christ when his daughter’s life was seemingly traded for the healing of another woman, randomly found by the way. Sometimes we feel that we are so desperately in need of help, and perhaps through our own initiation we seek out that help, only to have our needs deferred to another also in need. However, we are never punished for doing our best to do what is right.

Jesus took this time to teach a lesson. All things in life are reversible in His hands. Everything that has ever gone wrong in our life can be made whole and have the damaging effects erased. We will never go without because we exercised whatever little faith and patience we had, even if it was barely enough for the miracles we expected in our time frame and extremely lacking for the actual miracle and His time frame. 

In Your Heart of Hearts

The last two weeks we’ve thought about various levels of identity. This week is a sort of an application of what we’ve talked about.

We’ve all heard throughout our lives phrases like “Home is where the heart is” and “You are what you eat”. Both of these sayings allude to the idea that regardless of actual location in space and time, much of who we are resides in our heart. What we think about, what are goals are, who we care about and who we don’t, these are all things that are within our heart. These can be fairly obviously manifested in our actions.

But then there is our heart of hearts. This goes even deeper. This is where our motives lie. Our unrealized desires, the image of what we ultimately want to become, even if we are physically, mentally, or emotionally unable to attain it. This is often the most secret part of our identity. And it turns out, when it comes to the Savior, it is there in our Heart of Hearts that most defines our relationship to Him.

To illustrate this point, I want to briefly explain chapters 3 and 4 in the Gospel of John. These chapters talk about Jesus’ interaction with Nicodemus and the Woman at the Well.

First off, who is Nicodemus? Nicodemus is a Pharisee, and a ruler of the Jews. Pharisees were known for being extremely literal and strict in living the Law of Moses. They spent their days among the people, trying to enforce the rules and giving harsh punishments to those who broke any of the rules. He was a man, he was probably wealthy, and was seen as a leader. He would have been very prominent in the city.

In John chapter 3, Nicodemus comes to visit Jesus in the dead of night. He tells Jesus that he knows Jesus is sent from God, because no one else could possibly perform the miracles Jesus performed unless they were from God. Jesus (I imagine him smiling knowingly) told him that it was true, and that “except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus is very confused at that point, and asked Jesus how on earth could he possibly re-enter his mother as a grown man?! Jesus then explains the symbolism of baptism as a rebirth, and how we can feel the influence of the Spirit. Even though we can’t see the Spirit, its actions are as detectable as when the wind blows.

Let’s look at chapter 4 and then compare. Chapter 4 is about the Woman at the Well.

So who is she? The Woman is a Samaritan. Jews (considered at this time to be “God’s People”) hated the Samaritans and treated them unkindly. Likewise the Samaritans didn’t like the Jews, due to the treatment they received from them. She was, obviously, a woman. Women didn’t hold much power or authority in those days. Moreover, this Woman was a sinner. She had had five husbands and was living with a sixth man that she was not married to. The Woman came to the well at midday, plausibly the best time of day to go and be there alone. She was undoubtedly an outcast, even amongst her outcast people.

Jesus came to the well and found the Woman there. He approached her and talked to her. At first she was on guard. Jesus was a Jewish man, and she was a Samaritan woman. I’m sure she expected to be mistreated. Jesus beings to tell her about the living water that he could give her, in place of her water from the well. He was really telling her that he could offer her eternal life if she would follow his teachings. Little by little, her heart was opened and she began to understand that this was no ordinary man. He told her that he knew of her past and current sins of adultery, but he did not condemn her for it. After their discussion, the Woman told Jesus that she had heard of the coming of a Messiah and asked him if he were this Messiah. Jesus confirmed it and the Woman immediately went to look for as many people to listen to him as possible.

What is the difference in the relationship between Jesus and Nicodemus and between Jesus and the Woman at the Well?

Nicodemus came to Jesus secretly in the night. He knew of the miracles and that’s why he sought Jesus, but did not confess that Jesus was the Messiah and he was very slow to understand the message. Jesus treated him kindly, but they could not have a real friendship.

Jesus went to the Woman at the Well in broad daylight. She didn’t know who he was, nor about his teachings, followers and popularity, or miracles. She was a sinner. But she quickly knew who he was and did everything she could to follow him and to help others reach him. Jesus could truly have a friend in this Woman, and she in him.

The difference was their heart of hearts. The Woman most desperately wanted to be good and to love God. Perhaps it was not evident in her actions up until that point. She knew what she was doing when she committed adultery. This was all part of her mortal and weak state. She knew Jesus as the Messiah, and in her heart of hearts she was his friend, even if her mortality stopped her from fully manifesting it up to that point.

Nicodemus’ heart of hearts was different. I think it was still good, because he did come looking for Jesus and acknowledged in some part his goodness. Yet he was ashamed to be seen interacting with him, and his ways were so set that it made it difficult for him to understand the teachings of the Master. You would think that it would be easier to change him than to change a Woman who had slept with 6 different men. In this story we can see the importance of our heart of hearts.

And so, my message is that we should not be overly sad and disappointed in our failings.

David O McKay once said:

 “The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.”

I know it to be true from personal experience that when we have won the battle in our heart of hearts, our battle is already won. The rest is simply of matter of time and patience. The question then is, what is in your heart of hearts?

The Function of Dreams in Reality

Last week we talked about the illusive substance of our identity. In today’s blog I want to continue with that idea in a slightly different perspective. In a general recap, we are the realizers of our own destiny. I won’t say that we are the creators of our destiny, because we have not created ourselves nor the limit of potential we each posses. Within that defined gamut, however, we decide to what extent that potential will be realized, thus, we are the realizers of own destiny. Many factors play into what we “realize”, however, I have seen in my life that it is my own limit of what I dream that seems to be the most decisive factor.

I have had a lot of dreams in my day. As a child, I dreamed of everything. I wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, a mom, and president of the United States. And I believed I could achieve any one or all of those things if I really wanted to. I could change a few blankets and pillows into a fortress complete with an alligator filled moat. I raised imaginary horses that followed me everywhere. There was no limit to my ability to create and to have real belief in the reality and credibility of my creations.

Then somewhere along the way I learned that just because I dreamed something didn’t mean it was likely to happen. And then a little farther along the way came the idea that the more I dreamed about something, the less likely it was to ever be achieved. I don’t think this is very uncommon. I learned a lot more about my strengths and weaknesses. I learned that it is in fact impossible to be a lawyer AND a doctor AND president of the United States AND a homemaker.

Interestingly enough, I’ve found that because I know that I cannot do everything that I have ever dreamed of doing in mortality, it has made me more and more eager to find what is my “calling” in life. Is there really something that only I was meant to do? If so, I’d rather do that one thing forever than anything else. But how can I find it? In the mean time, I’m trying to fill my time with the most useful activity I can, hoping it prepares me for whatever “thing” awaits me.   

The other day in my class we studied the apostle Peter. Actually, we studied just before he became an apostle. We focused on the account found in Luke chapter 5. Basically, Peter is a professional fisherman. He has a part in his father’s business, along with his brothers. He’s probably always known he was going to be a fisherman and trained with his father as a young boy in order to become a great fisherman, capable of taking over the family business. One morning, Peter comes in after a long night on the lake, having caught nothing. That must have felt really terrible. Imagine coming home from a bad day at work where you seemed to consistently fall short of what you knew you could achieve. As he pondered sleepily about what could have and should have gone better, he cleaned his nets before returning home. As he was cleaning, a stranger named Jesus comes up to him followed by a large group of people. Jesus requests that Peter bring him in Peter’s boat a little off shore so that Jesus can better teach the people. Seemingly without thinking, Peter obliges.

After the sermon, I’m sure Peter was touched by the words of Jesus. Surprisingly, Jesus tells Peter that it’s time to go fishing! Some preacher man is coming after a long, unsuccessful night, and telling Peter, the professional, how to do his job!

Peter protests a little, explaining how hard the previous night was and implying that there was no way that it could possibly better in the middle of the day, but then yields to what Jesus asked. They go out deep into the lake, let down the nets when Jesus says, and then pull in a catch so big that it breaks their nets and starts to sink the two boats that went out to pull in the fish.

This catch could have made Peter famous. It undoubtedly was worth several months of work. And yet, immediately following, Jesus looks at Peter and says “Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men.”

And Peter immediately left with Jesus.

The take away from I get is this. Our dreams are really goals. Goals are the future that we are committed to and think are possible. That means goals say a lot about our character and what is really important to us. Sometimes we have these goals that define us. As long as we are pursuing them we have some sort of identity, direction at least. What did it mean to Peter, then, when Jesus took away all those goals and threw them away? No more fishing, right? All those years gone.  

I guess the question is, what was riskier for Peter? Dropping his goals and letting Jesus make out of Him what He saw and was going to personally oversee, or in continuing fishing? And in the end, that question is the same for us. Continue in our dreams, or the dreams that Jesus has for us? Our goals, or His goals of what we can achieve?

ID

This past week I had an experience that reminded me how important it is to think about and be sure of your identity. In my class, we talked about what kind of information someone can know about you if they had your driver’s license. Your full name, your birthday, what state you are from or currently living in, your address, height, weight, eye color, if you are a donor or not… the list goes on! What really is behind our identity?

It’s interesting to listen to people describe themselves, the attributes and interests that they feel define them, and also the things they feel cannot define them. We all, consciously or not, are continuously molding ourselves to fit an identity that we create. At the same time, others create images of who and what they think we are. And so comes the question: who are we? What determines who we are? Is it based on popular vote? Do certain people have more say than others? What is the reality of our identity?

These are the kinds of questions that many of us have taken time to ponder. They are super relevant. And yet, they can seem impossible to answer. So, how do we know?

I have asked myself these kinds of questions. Not just asked, I’ve stewed over these thoughts and questions. And while I don’t know the complete answer, as I’ve studied the scriptures (the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and other sacred writings) I have come to know more the identity of God our Father, and also His son Jesus Christ. And as I have learned more about them, and focused on what I do know for sure about them, I have become more committed to become as like them as I possibly can. And as I have pursued that, my own undefined status has become more and more absolute. Not because I have created it, but because I am modeling something else defined.

Here’s a recent way that I was able to become more defined. In my class, we started off by talking about a less known book of scripture, the Book of Moses, found in the Pearl of Great Price. In the first chapter, Moses is having a vision in which he talks to God face to face. God starts off by telling Moses who He is, which is All Powerful, Endless, and Almighty. To help Moses understand what “all powerful” and “endless” means, God shows Moses all of His creations. Imagine that! All the planets, creations, people, plants and animals that have ever existed! Imagine being in His presence! I feel like if I were Moses I would have crumbled to the floor, and perhaps would have thought that in all of my life and experience, I would never amount to anything. That is not what God thinks though.

Directly after this powerful display, God calls Moses His son. That’s not just a figure of speech. It’s a real thing. And it doesn’t just apply to Moses, each of us are literally sons and daughters of the most powerful being in existence. What does that really mean? It means that each of us have seeds of “all powerful” and “endless” within us. Each of us can choose to develop those seeds, or leave them aside, but the point is that regardless of what we choose to do with them, they are there.

Suddenly my feelings of being undefined and ever changing, impossible to know and understand, begin to calm as I start to see a picture of what I might become.

What’s interesting is sometimes we fight the idea that we could really ever “mature” to become like God, if we are in fact His offspring. We say this because we think that God is unknowable, too powerful to be contained, with a knowledge and wisdom that would require an eternity to comprehend. And yet, how much more do we understand about ourselves than God? Isn’t that the topic that we started on? That we as beings are too complex to really fully know, even when that being is ourselves? Perhaps our difficulty in comprehending our identity could be considered more as proof that we are offspring of God than evidence against it.